


Unable are the Loved to Die

by Fanatic_weirdo



Series: Lightwood-Bane Family [12]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Clary does it!, Family Feels, Forever family, Immortal Husbands, Immortality, M/M, Runes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-14 11:42:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13589325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanatic_weirdo/pseuds/Fanatic_weirdo
Summary: Clary gives Alec a very special rune.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a regular day at the Institute. A demon nest to shut down, a vampire clan dispute to resolve, Max was giving Izzy a headache, Rafael was kicking Jace’s ass. Alec sighed in relief when he had a moment to sit at his desk. He sent a text to Magnus about what he wanted for dinner that night. He knew Magnus was at a meeting with a client, but he would get back to Alec when he could. 

Suddenly there was frantic banging on the door and Alec leaped to his feet running over. 

“ALEC!” Flaming red hair shoved him back into his office. 

“What the hell?” he asked, concerned, but then Clary looked up at him. Her eyes were bright, excited and positively glowing. Her hair looked like she ran the entire way here and her face was flush. “Are you okay?” 

Though based on the grin on her face, it would appear so. She made sure the door was shut, let out a squeal, and handed him a piece of paper. Alec studied it. It looked like a bastardized version of a destiny and endurance runes with something else he couldn’t place. As Alec looked at the paper the word ‘forever’ flashed in his head and his eyes widened. “C-Clary is this-?” Alec couldn’t look away from the rune but he could feel her jumping up and down.

“YES!” She cried happily. “It’s just for you, it’s specifically for you. I’ll work on one for Rafael if he want it one day but I wanted yo-“ Alec grabbed her and pulled her into a hug, tears streaming down his face. He had dreamed of this day but feared it would never come, that he would never get the chance to offer Magnus forever. He kissed her hair and squeezed her tightly. 

“Would I have to keep activating it,” he asked as he pulled away from her, wiping his face. 

She awed softly at him crying. “No, it’s permanent,” she promised. She couldn’t believe the change in this man since the first day she met him. A hardened, self-loathing, closeted, bitter soldier was now a determined, loving, kind, open, friend, father and husband. Magnus had opened his heart and let him see that he was good enough just the way he was. If she had even a small part in doing that, she was proud; they were made for each other, and they deserved to spend eternity together. 

“Is there anything I can do for you? Anything I can get you? Magnus will portal you to wherever you want to go. How can I thank you,” Alec stuttered and hugged her again and she giggled. 

They hadn’t gotten along in the beginning but now they were close and Clary had been trying to create an immortality rune since Alec and Magnus had returned from Edom 13 years ago. Once he came back to work after getting Magnus back, he’d asked her if she could try. He’d said that any doubt he had about surviving without his siblings vanished when he realized it was Magnus that made him completely fell apart when separated. She had to agree; when Jace had gone missing he held himself together much better than he did when Magnus disappeared. He’d worried them all when Magnus was taken. He’d stopped eating, stopped sleeping, and, unless he was talking about Edom, he stopped talking to anyone. She, Jace, and Izzy had taken over his duties as Head of the Institute as he couldn’t focus on anything but getting Magnus back. She didn’t know why the Angel waited 13 years to give it to her but she wasn’t going to be mad because at least He gave it to her. 

“Just give Jace some time off and get Magnus to portal us somewhere for a vacation,” she said with a smile. But then suddenly she felt Alec tense. “He’ll be happy for you, Alec,” she murmured, knowing instantly where his mind went. His Parabatai. Jace and Izzy had been the sole reason he hadn’t wanted it the second he met Magnus. His siblings meant the world to him, but siblings weren’t meant to be together forever. You moved away from siblings, you chose to live with other people for most of your adult lives. Still a link to their souls meant that it would hurt Alec that much more when Jace did die and he didn’t. He’d survived it once, though, and he could survive it again. 

“Does he know you did this? That you were working on it?” Alec asked. 

Clary shook her head, “I didn’t think it was anyone else’s business, not until you were ready to tell them.” He nodded gratefully, with a soft smile. “Go talk to him. He’s training Rafael,” Clary urged. “Your husband deserves to know this is an option and I know you, you’ll want to wait until you talk to Jace and Izzy first.” 

Alec grinned at her. “I don’t like your smugness at knowing that,” he admitted. She chuckled and opened the door, pushing him out. 

Alec’s mind was spinning. Immortal. He could be immortal. He and Magnus would be together for eternity, with their children. He knew immortals could die, but it certainly gave him hope that they would have so much longer than they did yesterday.

“Dad! Check this out!” Rafael called out and he faked about to cut Jace’s neck, and when Jace went to block, Rafael used his other hand to stab Jace’s side, a move reminiscent of one Alec himself uses in sparring with Jace.

“That’s my boy!” Alec cheered as Jace held his side from being stabbed with a training sword but he was grinning proudly. Alec high fived his son, “I think you beat him more easily than I ever managed to, though I always managed to,” Alec smirked and nudged Jace who let out a ‘HA!’

“In your dreams, maybe. I kicked your ass more often than not,” the blond claimed, getting into a fight stance as if ready to prove it. 

“Yeah keep telling yourself that,” Alec said winking at Rafael who smirked and laughed at his father and uncle. “As much as I’d love for Jace to continue to lose to you, could you train with Chris or Cole for a bit? I need to talk to Uncle Jace in my office,” he said the ‘in my office part’ more to Jace, but Rafael nodded and ran off to grab one of the other boys. Jace wiped his face and chest off with a towel as he approached his brother.

“You okay?” Jace asked, though it looked like Alec was about to fly he looked so happy. However, when Jace look closer he could see the nervousness in Alec’s eyes. It was subtle, the excitement out shone it, but he knew his Parabatai and he’d felt joy explode from his Rune a few minutes before. 

“Yeah, I’m good, just need to have a conversation with you,” Alec admitted. As they entered the office, Jace watched Alec try and fail to stop smiling, contentment now radiating from him. 

“What’s going on? You look like someone told you all Shadowhunter and Downworlder problems are solved,” Jace joked, making Alec laugh with a lightness that caused Jace’s heart to swell. They sat, Jace across the desk and Alec behind it. He looked so right behind that desk. He belonged there, and always had. 

“Pretty close,” Alec admitted. Then the nerves took over and he bit his lower lip, took a deep breath and looked up at Jace, “For the past 13 years Clary had been trying to create an immortality rune for me, and today, she gave it to me,” he held up the piece of paper that had been in his pocket. “I have to know if you’re okay with it? With me choosing Magnus, choosing this?” 

Jace stared. He hadn’t been aware his brother had been looking at all. He knew it was a discussion between him and Magnus but he didn’t know it was a 13 year search. Was he okay with it? Of course he was. How could his brother ever think otherwise?

“Alec,” Jace said softly, “I-” he paused looking at the rune before looking at Alec whose eyes were still bright but his face was showing concern. “I am offended,” he admitted, Alec looked hurt and confused but then Jace’s face split into a grin. “I’m offended that you would even think for a second I wouldn’t want this for you, buddy!” He stood, moving around to Alec’s side of the desk and pulled Alec into a hug. “You deserve happiness and Magnus gives you that. You take it and run!” Alec laughed happily and hugged Jace tightly. They both knew it was going to hurt when Jace died, but it would hurt Alec more if he lost Magnus, if he left Magnus behind. 

An hour later he asked Izzy the same question and he received a smack to the arm before she leaped in his arms, screaming happily. He spun her around laughing. He couldn’t remember a time he laughed so hard.  
She had been wondering when he was going to tell them he wanted to be immortal. Alec and Magnus were soulmates and Izzy believed that they deserved to spend forever together. Not just 70 years, not just a few decades; they had earned eternity.

“Oh my god we have to have a party! Do you think Magnus will want to have a party?” Izzy squealed as Alec chuckled.

“Have you met him,” he asked and she bounced on the balls of her feet. “But I haven’t told him yet, so wait until tomorrow to start planning.” 

For the second time she hit him. “How have you not told him?! How was he not the first person you told?!” she scolded. 

“Ow!” He whined, “I have to consider everyone involved.” Izzy looked at him. Had he expected anyone to say not to him? Had he expected anything but support from her and Jace? His best friend and favorite sister? She supposed it was a heavy decision. He would outlive them, but that was always a chance. Shadowhunters notoriously didn’t live long lives. Well if it took Izzy 100 years, she would make sure her brother lived long enough to have eternity.

Alec left work after telling the boys they were staying at the Institute for the night. Neither boy argued, immediately going to tell Cole and Chris, and the four planned a movie night. He’d taken the train, wanting time to think. Not that he needed to; he wanted this, he’d wanted this for more than a decade, but what if Magnus no longer did? No, that was silly, his husband had been nothing but supportive and had kept searching tirelessly for any new spell or potion that could make this happen, especially since Alec made his deal with Asmodeus. Magnus had been so terrified of the idea that Alec would not only die, but that his soul would go to his father. 

“Magnus?” He called out, dropping off his jacket and sword at the door. Carrying weapons was now more of a habit than a necessity. He slipped off his shoes and stepped further into the house, “Mag?”

“Hi Darling,” Magnus peeked out of his office, smiling at his husband. Alec grinned and took long steps to get to him, pulling him into his arms and kissing him deeply and hard. “Whoa,” Magnus said with a chuckle when they pulled away, both slightly breathless. “Have a good day?” he asked. 

“The best day,” Alec responded, feeling so love drunk he wanted to melt. 

“Where are the boys,” Magnus asked, knowing it was way too quiet for them to be in the loft. 

“Well, I need to talk to you, so I told them to stay at the Institute tonight,” he smiled softly, but he felt nervous, truly nervous. He knew Magnus wanted this as much as he did, but it was still nerve wracking. 

“Ooh a talk… That doesn’t sound foreboding at all,” Magnus said playfully, “Am I in trouble?” Magnus asked, kissing him deeply again. 

Alec moaned into the kiss and pulled him even closer, breathing through his nose and chasing Magnus’s lips when he parted. “No, of course not.” Alec answered with a smirk, “Let me change, then meet me on the balcony?” 

Magnus exhaled softly and nodded, pushing Alec playfully in the direction of the bedroom before grabbing two wine glasses and filling them half way with Alec’s favorite wine, carrying them out onto the balcony. He couldn’t imagine what would prompt his husband to need to talk to him in such a serious manner. There wasn’t much they didn’t talk about when it came to the day to day. Did they want to transfer him to Idris? No, he was much too happy for it to have anything to do with the Clave. Maybe Rafael had done something cool! But no, because Rafael would be here to celebrate with him. Was he pregnant? No, for Lilith’s sake, Magnus, Alec can’t get pregnant.

“Stop thinking so hard,” Alec said with a chuckle as he joined him on the loveseat and reached forward to grab his wine, taking a sip before turning back to Magnus, smiling happily. 

“Well then please tell me what’s got you so…secretive,” he teased. Alec shifted giddily in his seat before pulling a piece of paper out from behind his back and handing it to Magnus. He opened it with a confused expression, “It’s beautiful, my love, but…what is it?” 

“It’s our forever, Mag. Clary pulled it off.” Magnus’ face fell as he stared at the rune. Forever? Biscuit did it? Why wasn’t Magnus smiling? Alec’s heart plummeted. Had he been right? Had Magnus wanted this hypothetically but now that it was in front of him it freaked him out. “I haven’t put it on yet—”

Magnus instantly recognized that insecurity in Alec’s voice because Alec took his fallen face for disappointment rather than shock. He snapped the rune onto the kitchen counter and crashed their lips together, pulling Alec as close to him as he possibly could. Tears salting their kiss and their lips moved from loving and happy to passionate and hungry back to playful and sweet. They moaned and whimpered, touching everywhere they could, pushing up shirts and down pants, joy and excitement filling them. 

“Forever,” kiss, “Me,” kiss, “you,” kiss, “Eternity,” Magnus spoke into Alec’s mouth as their kisses became rough and frantic.

“Immortal,” Alec breathed, exhaling out of his nose as he held the back of Magnus’s head, keeping their lips pressed together even as they moved together as if they were starving and each other’s lips were their first meal. Suddenly Magnus pulled away and snapped his finger and then pulled Alec back in. “Mmm,” he hummed. “What’d you do,” he asked into the kiss.

“Filled Biscuit’s house with flowers,” Magnus breathed into his mouth. Alec laughed, not breaking their kisses. 

“She also wants us to send her and Jace on a vacation,” Alec claimed.

“Anywhere,” Magnus said, pulling Alec on top of him, sliding down so he laying most way on the couch. “I love you Alexander. I love you forever.” 

Alec let out a sob and nodded, “I love you forever too,” he agreed.

They laid in a bed a few hours later, naked and happy, mindlessly caressing patterns on each other’s skin.

“We haven’t done it like that in a while,” Magnus said with a proud smirk. 

Alec laughed and buried his face in Magnus’s neck, his cheeks pinking slightly. “We should do it more often,” he claimed. 

Magnus smiled and kissed his lips affectionately, “I like the way you think, Mr. Lightwood-Bane.” 

Alec turned and kissed Magnus’s neck, “And I like the way you taste, Mr. Lightwood-Bane.” Alec hummed softly. “I get this forever,” he whispered and Magnus wasn’t entirely sure he meant to say it aloud. 

Magnus blinked away tears. This man WANTED to spend forever with him. He’d made the effort to find a way to do that. Magnus had had lovers who were already immortal who shuddered at the thought of dealing with Magnus forever. But Alec, his beautiful Shadowhunter, had sought out a way to stay with him. Even though it meant having to watch his siblings and friends die. And Magnus knew that Alec had no real way of knowing how much that would hurt, and maybe it was selfish, but Magnus couldn’t bring himself to deter the decision, especially not with it so close, just sitting in the kitchen. It also protected Alec’s soul, kept it away from Asmodeus, kept him safe. And Magnus was more aware than anyone that immortals were just as capable of dying as mortals, but he still couldn’t help but relax just a bit because Alec would not grow old, they would not be counting the days until they were ripped apart. 

“Mag,” Alec whispered. Magnus hummed softly, looking at him. He was so beautiful, pale skin even more stark with that dark hair and dark eyelashes. Those beautiful hazel eyes, bright and soft as they stared at him, into his eyes and had never shown fear or disgust at them, only love and acceptance. Alec was so different than anyone Magnus had ever let into his heart before. Alec loved him with his whole heart, gave Magnus anything he needed without motive or condition; he loved him, just…because. “You want this right? Because as much as I want you forever, I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re going to be stuck with me,” Alec admitted gently. For a moment Magnus’s heart ached that Alec would think for a single second that he could EVER feel stuck with him.

“Yes.” Magnus said firmly, not letting Alec’s mind spend another second in doubt. “I want this more than anything,” he pulled Alec closer and kissed him fully. There would be things that would surprise Alec about immortality, things that would hurt more, things that would be incredible, and through it all, Alec would have Magnus, and Magnus would have Alec. There was no real rush to tell Alec everything he didn’t yet know about it, for now, they had eternity.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec has the Immortal Rune but Rafael isn't so sure he likes the idea of being the only mortal in the family.

Alec didn’t really know how he expected his son to react, but it probably wasn’t this. He and Magnus had told them over dinner the night after Alec had told Magnus. Max had of course screamed and ran around the house setting off fireworks with his magic. Rafael, however, had become very still and quiet. Alec’s face fell, knowing his son would never tell him out right that he didn’t want him to do it. Magnus hadn’t noticed; he was too busy laughing at Max, just happy that his husband was going to become immortal. 

“Hey Rafe, how about we go for a walk,” Alec suggested gently.

Rafael swallowed hard and shook his head, saying, “I’m fine,” which was what brought Magnus’s attention to him. 

“Rafael,” he said softly but Alec shook his head quickly and grabbed Rafael’s and his own jacket. 

“We’ll be back in a little while,” Alec claimed with a smile and pulled on his jacket as Rafael begrudgingly did the same, seeing he clearly had no say. Alec and Magnus exchanged a look of concern before Alec guided Rafe out the door.

The two Shadowhunters didn’t say anything for a while, merely walking around the neighborhood. Sometimes Alec hated how much his son was like him. How he bottled up his feelings, how he put others feelings before his own. Alec knew that didn’t only come from being a Shadowhunter, but also stemmed from spending his first 5 years alone. He hadn’t been taught proper skills, and they were doing their best, but Rafael will act first and speak later. He still instinctually withdrew when scared or sad because emotions were weakness and weakness got you hurt or killed. 

“Do you not want me to do it,” Alec finally realized his son wasn’t going to speak first. Rafael didn’t say anything but then slowly shook his head. Alec’s stomach dropped.

“No, you should apply it. It makes you happy, and Max and Papa,” Rafael said, biting his lower lip furiously.

“But not you?” 

It wasn’t a statement, but when he said it Rafael’s eyes filled with tears. He blinked them away as quickly as possible. 

“It’s not that,” Rafael claimed smiling so sadly that Alec stopped and kneeled in front of him, pulling Rafael into a hug. Rafael didn’t fight like Max would have. Rafael had been touch starved when they first adopted him and once he learned touch wasn’t a bad thing, he’d loved hugs and simple touches of care and affection. Rafael buried his face in his father’s jacket, shaking in an attempt to stop the tears. Alec didn’t try to stop him, didn’t try to tell him it was okay because, honestly, he had no idea where his son’s head was at, so he didn’t know if it would be for him. 

Alec had sought out immortality with the assumption that he would also find a way for any mortal children he had if that was what they wanted. 

“Mijo,” Alec whispered, kissing Rafael’s temple and forehead several times. This was what caused Rafael to let out a long moan and the sobs came unstoppable and hard. Rafael may be 12 and would be too heavy for most parents, but Alec couldn’t bare it. He picked Rafael up and Rafael wrapped his legs around Alec’s waist and wailed. It felt as if all the emotions he’d ever denied were pouring out of him now that he started, and he knew he was safe with Alec. 

It wasn’t until Rafael could hardly breathe that Alec started shushing him softly. “Breathe, baby, you’ve got to breathe,” Alec said in that soothing voice that Rafael had learned was meant just for him and Max. A voice that said they were loved, that he would never let anything happen to them. Rafael tried to listen and attempted to take big breaths but they came out more choked than ever, which just made it worse. “Okay,” Alec set him down and kneeled in front of him. “Rafie, come on, sweetheart, look at me,” he coaxed and Rafael looked at him through his panicked breaths. “Breathe in while I count to 4,” he stated and Rafael obeyed as Alec counted. “Now hold it till I count to 7,” Rafael tried but the sobs just pushed their way out anyway. He whimpered at the fact that he’d failed, but Alec just smiled calmly and nodded encouragingly. “Okay let’s try again, breathe in for 4. Good! Now hold for 7. That’s my boy! Now let it out slowly while I count to 8.” They did that 3 more times until Rafael was breathing normally and tears were no longer falling. “Are you okay?” Alec asked, brushing his fingers against Rafael’s cheeks to wipe the wetness. Rafael pulled away and roughly wiped away his face. 

“I’m fine,” Rafael claimed. 

“Come here,” Alec lead him over to a bench and they sat down. Rafael looked at his hands, a tell of his when he was feeling anxious. “Please talk to me. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to,” Alec claimed. 

Rafael sighed and shook his head. “I’m not that selfish, Dad,” he muttered. 

“You’re are one of the least selfish kids I’ve ever met; I know that. But also, this is a big deal,” he acknowledged.

“I’d be the only mortal,” Rafael said softly. “In our family, I mean. I’m not saying one day I won’t…but I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it,” he admitted. 

“And that’s fine. Even when I first met Pops, even when I fell in love with him, I wasn’t sure I was going to do it. It was only something I’d considered when I lost him, until Edom,” Alec explained. They had told the boys about it, keeping out certain details, but they knew Magnus had been there two months and Alec had had a hard time. They knew nothing of Asmodeus. “Then I knew it would hurt both of us so much if I died, if I left him.” 

“Then why would you even consider giving it up because I…I’m a little unsure,” Rafael asked softly. 

Alec didn’t speak for a moment and considered what his son said. He knew perfectly well it would break Magnus’s and his heart to have that chance and give it up. But there were four members of their family and they all had to be considered. All of them had feelings about it that were valid.

“Because your thoughts and feelings matter just as much as mine and Pops,” Alec said. Rafael looked up at him, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pulled to the side as he bit his inner cheek. 

“I feel…kinda bummed. But also, I guess, hopeful, that, maybe one day, if I decide I want it, I can do it without feeling bad about you. I just don’t particularly like the thought of being the only one to die,” Rafael said, his voice breaking at ‘die’, and Alec put his arm around his shoulder and pulling him closer.

“The second you ever say you want to do it, we will find a way. Clary is already trying to find a rune for you, so if you want to be immortal, we will make it happen. I promise you. You’re not going to die from old age unless it is your choice,” Alec promised. Rafael smiled softly and nodded but leaned into Alec. 

“But what if I don’t want it,” Rafael asked. “What if I end up marrying a Shadowhunter or a mundane and we decide to grow old together? Are you guys going to be okay?”

Alec let out a quiet chuckle and kissed his head. “No, Rafe, we won’t be okay. We’ll grieve you and miss you for eternity, but if it’s what you want, if you are happy with that, then we will be happy for you.” 

Rafael couldn’t imagine being fine with knowing that your heart was going to break, but wanting the other person to be happy. But as he looked up at his Dad he knew exactly what it felt like. He might be running the risk of leaving his entire family behind, but he could not deny Alec this. He was never going to even let his father consider not doing it for him. That didn’t mean Rafael’s heart didn’t ache at the idea of one day looking older than his fathers. 

“We should head back to the celebrations,” Rafael said as he stood. Alec didn’t move, looking at his son. There was still sadness in his eyes, but he was forcing a smile for Alec. Alec sighed heavily. “Come on, Dad, Pops is gonna be worried.” Alec knew there was more to Rafael’s feelings than even just that, but he wasn’t going to push. Pushing the young Shadowhunter would just cause him to clam up.   
Alec finally stood and they started the walk back to the loft. 

“You know it’s probably best if you put the rune on immediately,” Rafael claimed. Alec looked at him confused, but then Rafael’s face cracked into a smile. “You’re already getting grey hair, wouldn’t want any more wrinkles.” 

“You are such a brat!” Alec claimed and grabbed his son, throwing him over his shoulder. “Not too old to do this, am I?” He pretended to almost drop him but caught him at this knees. Rafael laughed and cried out as Alec jumped up and down and swung him. “Still too old?” Alec asked.

“Ummm…” Rafael joked and Alec shrugged. 

“Hope you enjoy blood filling your head.” Rafael laughed and Alec carried him that way as his son protested and laughed the entire time for another couple blocks. Then he walked onto a patch of grass and just let him go close to the ground, laughing when Rafael fell on his head with an ‘oof!’ 

“Child abuse! I’m calling Social Services,” Rafael threatened as he climbed to his face. 

Alec chuckled lightly and pulled Rafael into head lock. “Pops will just wipe their memories so good luck with that.” Rafael pulled out of the head lock and got into fighting stance.

“I’ve been beating Uncle Jace since I was nine. You want to go there,” Rafael questioned with a cocky grin. 

Alec let out a ‘HA’. “And I’ve been beating Jace since he was 10, so bring it on.” Of course Alec knew Rafael was putting on an act, that those feelings were still there, that he was still struggling, but right now Alec was fine with letting him cope.

It only took Alec 2 minutes to have Rafael pinned. “Maybe I should start training you and let Jace do paperwork,” Alec said as he pulled Rafael to his feet. 

“I let you win,” Rafael lied. 

“Any time you want a rematch, niño,” Alec claimed as they continued the walk to the loft. 

“I need to talk to Pops too,” Rafael said quietly as they rode the elevator up. Alec nodded and let his son off the elevator first. Rafael inhaled deeply before opening the door. 

“Rafe!” Max beamed as he ran up to him before his face fell quickly. Magnus looked up from the couch when his Shadowhunters entered. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Max asked worried upon seeing Rafael’s red eyes. 

“Duh,” he said with a smile, messing up Max’s shoulder length navy blue hair. Max tried to smile again but he knew his brother was lying so he looked to Alec who looked tired but still happy, not as happy, but happy. “Um-Pops, can we-?” he motioned to the balcony. Magnus nodded, looking at Alec who smiled quietly at him then followed his son outside. 

Max moved to follow Rafael but Alec grabbed his shoulder. “Come on, Blue, let’s give them a minute, huh?” Max frowned as Rafael and Magnus shut the balcony door. 

“What’s wrong with Rafael,” Max asked. Alec motioned for him to follow into the kitchen so Max couldn’t spy on Rafael and Magnus. 

“Nothing, he just…It’s not easy being mortal when you love people who are immortal,” Alec replied. 

“He doesn’t want you to be immortal,” Max asked, shock and anger in his voice. Alec turned and patted the barstool for Max to sit down. 

“He wants me to be happy, but he is not immortal, and he may not choose that,” Alec claimed. 

Max’s face paled as if he’d never considered that. “What do you mean?! He can’t grow old, Dad!” 

Alec smiled sadly and shook his head, “Not everyone wants to be immortal, Maxie, and Rafe is young, too young to know whether he wants to be or not. So don’t try to convince him or make him feel bad for being unsure, okay? This is his decision to make, and ours to respect once he’s made it.” He said the last part firmly, in a way that Max knew was an instruction. Max nodded, blinking rapidly. 

Rafael paced as Magnus stood calmly by the ledge, watching Rafael patiently. 

“You fell in love with a mortal, you knew he was mortal, you thought he would die, how did you do that? Why would you do that? And then adopt a mortal kid? Your heart was going to be broken, you didn’t know Dad would ever choose this. Why would you hurt yourself by falling in love with a mortal?” Rafael asked without taking a breath and when he finally stopped Magnus inhaled deeply and grabbed his hands, bringing him to standing in front of him. 

“Because, my sweet boy, I didn’t really have a choice. My heart decided it wanted Dad, for however long I could have him,” Magnus squeezed his hands. “It was the same for us with you and Max. It wasn’t a matter of pros and cons of your mortality or Max’s immortality. it was a matter of the heart. We saw you and just knew you were ours. If you choose mortality, Rafe, we will grieve and miss you every day for the rest of time. You will always be our son, no matter how long or-“ Magnus cleared his throat, “Or short your life is, we will love you forever.” Magnus explained, pulling Rafael into a hug. Rafael hugged his father back as tightly as he could. “Want to tell me what else you’re thinking about?”

Rafael didn’t move for several moments, burying his face in his Magnus’s neck. “I don’t know,” he muttered.

“Don’t know what you’re thinking or don’t know if you want to tell me,” Magnus asked softly, kissing his hair. His heart ached for Rafael. He honestly couldn’t imagine what the 12-year-old was going through. He did know however that he would give up anything for his son’s happiness, even his own happiness. 

“I don’t know how I’m feeling,” Rafael whispered. “I don’t know how to say it,” he corrected. 

Magnus pulled away and moved them to the love seat, pulling Rafael down with him. Rafael’s eyes were still red from apparent crying, his skin blotchy, his shoulders slumped as he attempted to make himself smaller. 

“Are you upset? Angry?” 

Rafael let out a quiet huffed laugh at Magnus’s question. “I told Dad I was ‘bummed’,” he said softly. 

Magnus watched him carefully, Rafael could see his worry and sadness and he never intended to hurt either of his fathers. Never wanted them to change their choices for him. They’d already done enough for him by taking him in, by not just keeping him at the Institute to be turned into a machine. Instead they gave him two incredible parents, a little brother, a life, a- a choice. 

“I want Dad to be immortal, Pops. Please don’t think I don’t want that for both of you,” he claimed. He expected Magnus’s face to relax but instead his jaw clenched. “I just don’t want there to be an afterlife-if there is one-where I am alone,” he admitted in a near whisper. “I know that’s silly, especially because I don’t know what I believe, but I would like to imagine, if we do die, we get to see each other again. And if you guys are immortal, and I stay mortal, then I’m going to be alone there. And then there’s the thought,” Magnus had opened his mouth to speak but Rafael wasn’t finished, “I may meet someone that changes my entire perspective. I mean Dad never considered being immortal until he met you. He’s willing to outlive his parents and siblings for us-for you-so maybe I’ll meet a girl who is mortal and we have kids and I decide I’m happy growing old with her and dying with my wife, knowing my kids will follow.” 

Rafael scrubbed his face as Magnus wrapped his arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug. His son was much too young to be worrying about such things as an afterlife, as life, death, and his own mortality. 

“We just want you to be happy, Rafe,” Magnus whispered. 

Rafael let out a shaky breath and nodded, “You deserve this, Papa. You deserve to have Dad with you forever. To save other kids whose parents died or couldn’t love them for who they are. I would never want to take that away from the next Shadowhunter, or Warlock, or mundane who could be lucky enough to have the best parents on earth.” 

He felt Magnus smile and kiss his temple. “We’re the lucky ones, Mijo, because we got you. We got a brave, strong, smart, way too serious,” he tickled Rafael playfully, making him yelp and pull away, but he was smiling softly and that was what Magnus wanted to see, “son who makes us proud every single day.” Rafael’s smile grew slightly and his eyes shone with tears. “Oh and your brother,” at this Rafael laughed, full body and genuine. Magnus hummed softly in relief before shifting to look at Rafael head on again. “Whatever you choose, whenever you make that choice, and it should never be easy, know that Dad and I are here for you and will support you, always.” 

Rafael had to swallow the lump that was in his throat and he nodded. The issue wasn’t resolved, and probably wouldn’t be until Rafael made his own choice and was 100% sure about it. However, he knew he’d always have parents who loved him, forever.


End file.
